OUT OF THE BOX

In continuing our discussion of conflict and some of the problems seen in leadership I would like to briefly discuss manipulation. Your comments are welcome. Just click on "Comments" at the end of the article. To often leaders are guilty of manipulation. Manipulation is unhealthy in any relationship and is a violation of trust. It involves the dishonest use of influence to get people to do what you want them to do and is an underhanded means of controlling people. Leaders use manipulation when they lack the ability to lead by inspiration, when they have ulterior or hidden motives, or when they are trying to get people to do what the individuals most likely would not do if they had access to all the facts. Manipulation involves giving partial truth and withholding information that would be necessary for others to make an objective decision. It means distributing information selectively, giving little twists to the facts, and sharing only that which would cause other people to

Introduction The issues highlighted below are principles I learned while serving “as referee” (and in some cases a participant) in a few church “fights” and were originally written with the intention of helping pastors understand some of the issues that get them into trouble. Initially I was reluctant to share these with a broader audience, but then realized that the principles are apropos to any discussion of healthy leadership. Many readers will identify with one or more of the problems discussed. For every issue there is a flip side. There is always the “other side of the coin.” This “flip side” issue is especially true for some of the areas covered in this article. For example, pastors usually teach on gossip, and they try to prevent unhealthy and destructive communication within their community of believers. But my emphasis here is the other side of the issue, which is leadership’s unhealthy control of communication among members. Control of communication among members . A typical

This posting is merely an introduction to the subject. In future postings I would like to share some principles that help us to understand the spiritual weapons available to us in relational conflict. Send me a short email if you are interested in this subject and in my continuing with this topic. blong8@sccoast.net "You got some fine children, but they will kill you!" I met an elderly lady named Rosalie on the street in Loris, SC. When I asked her about her husband, she replied, "I ain't married, but I do have me a boyfriend". She then laughed while telling me of a warning her children gave regarding the boyfriend. "If you get married and he don't do right, we'll kill him," they had said. This obviously made the boyfriend a little nervous, but he wanted to stay in good-standing with his sweetheart, so he told her, "You got some fine children, but they will kill you." Her boyfriend's statement would fit appropriately in many chu

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth…” -Genesis 1:1. "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead..." -Romans 1: 20. "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the expanse of heaven His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard. Their sound has gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world." -Psalm 19: 1-4. Life is infinitely too complex to have come into being randomly and by itself. There are so many interdependent systems that are necessary for the existence of life on earth; and the degree of refinement, accuracy, and perfection in the coordinated performance of all these operations necessary for life are too complex to exist apart from design. They are independent yet dependent and interdependent, and the

Mark 6: 45-52. "Immediately He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side...Then He saw them straining at rowing, for the wind was against them. Now about the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea, and would have passed them by." This story is full of spiritual implications, but I will point out only a few. [Please feel free to post any comments or questions that merit further discussion]. “He made His disciples get into a boat.” The “boat” is significant because it represents a context from which we can not easily escape. The disciples, on that small boat in the middle of the sea, could not simply change their minds and walk away from the problems and issues at hand. They could not escape the process; they had to ride it out. The Lord desires to work deeply and significantly in our lives, but He knows that human nature wants to run from the fire and will attempt to escape if it has the option to do so. We would rather tha

Mark 6: 45-52 is an account of Jesus’ walking on the water to go to His disciples who were struggling with the wind and waves in a storm in the darkness about three or four miles out on the sea. The story is full of spiritual implications, but I will point out only a few. “He made His disciples get into a boat.” The “boat” is significant because it represents a context from which we can not easily escape. Once out on the sea the disciples could not simply change their minds and walk away from the problems and issues at hand. They had to ride it out. The Lord desires to work deeply and significantly in our lives, but He knows that human nature wants to run from the fire and will attempt to escape if it has the option to do so. We would rather than sin than suffer. In the crunch we seek relief rather than the purpose and glory of God. We tend to be like the Psalmist who cried out, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Indeed, I would wander far off

Hebrews 8: 1-5; 10: 1; Colosians 2: 17. I took this photo while standing on a roof in Florida. The photo gives the image of heaven and earth in harmony, which to me is a "Thy kingdom come" prayer. The trees and clouds seem to be performing a duet, and the top of the tree line seems to mirror the lining along the top of the clouds. I was also struck by the obviously bright light of the sun that is hidden behind the clouds. It is as if the trees shaded in darkness are reaching up to touch the glory of the sun whose rays and beams are breaking past the clouds. The trees mirroring the clouds remind me that the earthly tabernacle and its rituals were only shadows of the true, which is the heavenly. The same is true for our existence. The earthly is only a shadow of the heavenly. The glory and beauty that is ours in eternity will be so much more wonderful than we can imagine now. The apostle Paul spoke of being caught up into paradise and hearing and seeing things that are ine

L.D. was a colorful character who ran a country store a couple miles from Longs crossroads where I grew up. I used to stop in occasionally, and visit with him and any of the local farmers who happened to be standing around the old wood heater that sat in the middle of the one-room store. He watched and listened as people from the local churches dropped in. From his position behind the counter he would hear all the latest gossip and get a good whiff of all the “dirty laundry” to which he was exposed on an almost daily basis. Consequently he did not have a favorable impression of many of the church members who passed by. When one of the local pastors tried to talk with him about his need to repent, LD quickly responded, “You surely don’t want to check behind your members too close. Cause if you do, you’re going to be disappointed.” LD knew all that was going on. He could tell you who had been “on a drunk”, who was having an affair, and how the various communities took turns with their ep

John 15: 26-27 “When the helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of me. And you also will bear witness…” Acts 5: 32 “…And we are His witness to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him.” These verses tell us two things. 1. That the Holy Spirit will anoint us to bear witness to Jesus Christ, His Lordship and His kingdom. 2. That the Holy Spirit will ALSO, apart from us, bear witness and give testimony to Jesus. We usually think in terms of Him enabling us to witness, but we should not overlook the “also” in the verses referred to above. We should remember that He will walk beside us to give His own witness. It is this second dimension of testimony that adds power to our sharing the gospel. Below are two examples of how I have seen this happen. In 1971 when Laurel and I were first married we were asked to speak at a youth retreat for a group of high school kids fr

I remember years ago working on a construction site with my uncle who is a follower of Jesus. He hurt his arm, and the first words out of his mouth were "Praise the Lord!" One of the fellow workers said, "You just hurt your arm, why are you praising the Lord?" His reply was, "I could have broken it." How often in our unpleasant situations do we fail to give thanks that the Lord did not lay on us more than we could bear? If we look closely at the storms we face, we will see the silver lining traced by the hand of God and which represents a small glimpse of the greater glory of His presence and working that is hidden in and behind the apparent darkness. The sparrows do fall, but Jesus said that not one of them is forgotten before God, and not one of them falls apart from His knowledge. Jesus is reassuring us that the Father, who loves us with a stedfast and everlasting love, is aware of where we are and what we face. Like the sparrow we may face unpleasant s