Thursday, August 28, 2014


This article probably describes SOMEONE YOU KNOW. Interestingly, all the main points in the paragraphs below came to me while listening to a lady complain about her friends at church. She exemplified most of the principles discussed. —B Long

“Self-centeredness” and “selfishness” are two different things. A selfish person wants his own way, his own advantage, pleasure, and comfort without regard for others, and does not care how it affects others. A self-centered person evaluates and judges everything according to how it relates to or affects him, and is oblivious to how it affects others. A selfish person will deliberately hurt you. A self-centered person will hurt you and not realize it.

A self-centered person has great difficulty in relationships because he has inner struggles with what he assumes others think about him. He wonders what they really meant by something they said. Self-centered people only get along with people who are givers and those strong enough to bear with and indulge them. They are unable to edify others unless others are edifying them. A church will have difficulty building genuine unity among self-centered people. They give the illusion of unity during times when they are made the center of attention, when they are being ministered to, or served by others.

A self-centered person usually is comparing himself to others. This causes him to have problems with envy and low self-esteem or with pride and vainglory. He tends to judge the importance of his place and purpose by comparing it to that of others rather than looking to the will of God.

A self-centered person will have a distorted perception of the actions and words of others. He makes himself the center of every discussion, and makes erroneous judgments accordingly. This causes him to “read into” situations and project wrong motives and intentions onto others. He makes pre-mature judgments. He is blinded to reality because of his distorted perceptions, and is therefore easily offended and unable to see the other person’s point of view.
All of these dynamics make it difficult to communicate with him. He misses opportunities to love and be loved.

It is difficult to correct a self-centered person. He tends to shift blame and responsibility to others. While focusing on himself he amazingly cannot see himself. He never sincerely asks “What have I done?” or “What must I do?” His repentance tends to be self-pity rather than a real change of heart. Tears do not necessarily represent true repentance, brokenness, or honesty. Tears can indicate sincerity. But tears can also come from a distorted perception of reality. A person can cry because of a genuine sense of pain and grief, but might also be motivated by error and self-will, or frustration at not getting his own way or not getting what he wants. Tears are often used as a form of manipulation

Self-centeredness hinders relationships because it hinders love and our ability to discern and effectively reach out to those around us. It hinders understanding because it keeps us confused and oppressed with its distorted perspective. It hinders unity because it causes people to be easily offended through misunderstanding and by wrongly judging the motives and intents of others. It chokes out joy because it chokes out love. It is difficult for self-centered people to be truly happy.

Self-centeredness is a problem common to man. Isaiah spoke rightly when he said, “All we like sheep have gone astray, each to His own way.” Our only real hope for change is through the grace of God and the cross of Jesus Christ. The historical cross is where Jesus died to deliver us from our sins. The way of the cross is where we gain victory over our self by laying down our lives for the Lord’s will and for others.

Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life form My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16: 24-25).
My judgment is righteous because I do not seek my own will, but the will of the Father who sent Me.” John 5:30
Love seeks not its own. 1 Corinthian 13: 5

1 comment:

Joseph Holbrook said...

good one. In other words, Self centeredness = narcisim