PREVENTING ADULTERY: A Letter from Leonard Terry

Dear Friends,

One of my recent posts was a letter I had sent to warn a friend about the dangers of adultery. My friend Leonard Terry, a pastor in Canada, wrote a wonderful follow-up to that letter. He gives us some really good advice on how to prevent unfaithfulness in marriage. I hope you will read his message. He concludes his post with a great testimony in the last paragraph. I think you will be blessed by his comments.
Billy Long

PREVENTING ADULTERY

A Letter from Leonard Terry

Hey Billy,
Thanks for the letter you wrote to the person who was committing adultery. I agree with everything you said. I agree that it was an act of great love to confront the person with the truth God has given us. The Bible does tell us to correct one another in love. However, an observation I have made about our response in the general culture of the evangelical, charismatic communities is that we have often approached marital relationships to help them only after they are in trouble.

Adultery actually begins a lot sooner than most of us imagine; and therefore, we need to teach the best practices to keep our marriages healthy long before they start to die. As you know, physical adultery is the indication that the marriage is in the death throes. Mental adultery is the indication that it is dying. But the truth that we often miss is that before anyone commits adultery in mind or body they have quit being thankful and content, and have stopped giving their lives for the good of their spouse. They have stopped seeing their spouse as important, precious and valuable.

I have found that the simple act of remembering to keep my wife precious in my heart, to never let my heart become even slightly ungrateful, bitter or hardened towards her, to see her as God’s Gift every moment, to see serving her as the most important act of my worship of God will keep me and any man from adultery.
Early in my journey into sanctification I learned three central truths that have only grown more clear over the years. The whole world system is based on three root sins — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. 1 John 2:16

I have seen that three practices defeat and overcome these roots of all sin. By practicing these three practices until they are habitual, we can maintain a place of freedom and live healthy lives. I say it like this — Thanksgiving defeats the lust of the flesh, contentment defeats the lust of the eyes and humility expressed through serving others defeats the pride of life.

As I practice these things moment by moment, they create a wonderful place of freedom to adore my wife Carie not only in my commitment to my marriage to her but also in my heart. No one will ever commit adultery if they are fully thankful for the one they are married to. No one will ever want someone other than their spouse if they see them as the perfect provision from God for them. No one will ever want to give their life energy to anyone else if they anticipate every moment of their lives as a chance to serve the one God set apart for them to serve supremely. While I do believe it is vital to warn others about the end results of adultery, I am committed to those who will allow us to help them build strong marriages before adultery is ever thought of.

To make our marriages adultery proof we will be always giving thanks for our spouse, and uprooting every ungrateful thought and replacing it with thankfulness. We will always be content with the one God gave us, and uprooting the continual covetous seeking someone or something we think is better. We always walk in humility by serving our spouse, and in this we understand that our lives are meant to be a gift to those God gives us to serve, not for us to be served.

A TESTIMONY
Years ago I was trying to help a friend save his marriage. I asked him to do something with me. We determined that for 30 days we would not speak a critical or hard word to our wives, but pray each morning for something to tell them later in the day, something we loved about them. We would call each other first thing in the morning and share it with each other and pray for our brides. Then later in the day we would sit down with her, hold her hands, look her in the eyes, and share with her what we heard from Jesus for her. After four days he broke down weeping as he shared with me his blessing for his wife. He told me his heart was bursting with love for her and that he had been so unkind to her for so many years. That was many years ago. He marks that day as the beginning of a beautiful relationship that has grown even more wonderful over the years. I went on to do this with other men and to teach them the power of thankfulness in their relationship. It has borne much fruit.
Leonard Terry