COUNSEL: OBJECTIVE VS SUBJECTIVE

Many years ago, a fellow from another church became interested in one of the girls in our church. It appeared the young man was considering a marriage proposal. But his pastor, along with his pastor’s wife, very strongly told him not to marry this girl. They had no objective reason for prohibiting or discouraging this relationship. Their reason was purely subjective. They personally did not “feel good” about it and so they told him it was “not of God” for him to marry her.

I told this pastor that he can give counsel and his opinion but cannot make demands based on subjective reasoning alone. Leadership can speak dogmatically when there are clear, objective Biblical commands dealing with obvious moral issues, or when they see obvious problems of concern in the persons they are advising.

You can dogmatically tell a man he should not lie, steal, or commit adultery, and you can advise a man not to marry someone who is a pagan and immoral person. But you cannot forbid a person from doing something when your reasons are only a matter of opinion or because you “don’t feel good about it.” In that case you can share your thoughts and recommendations, but you must allow the person to make his own decisions based on his own conscience. You allow him to proceed to the blessings of a good choice or the consequences of a bad choice.

The church should not impose rules and commands on a person to make him deny his conscience. A church can impose objective Biblical guidelines but cannot impose the leadership's subjective feelings and opinions. It is not God's way to force people to conform against their conscience.

This principle puts responsibility upon counselors and fellow Christians to give wise counsel based on clear Biblical instruction and commands. It also puts responsibility upon those receiving counsel to have pure hearts sincerely seeking the will of God and not following the selfish or self-centered desires of a wayward heart.